I give up..

I am glad that I have not confess my feelings and be in a relationship with him.. There are few things that I've learnt from this experience.. First, never easily fall in love with someone.. Unless, you see that he is truly sincere and put a lot of effort to win your heart.. Second, make sure before you start a relationship that special someone really appreciates you.. I think this the most important aspect to look at.. It is useless to be with someone who always hurt your feelings.. I believe every girls dream to have a guy who would be the one who protect them and never hurt them whether physically and mentally..

I sometimes feel hatred spreads within me whenever I think about him.. I really don't care anymore.. I don't want to see him or contact with him for now.. I want to let him know that I'm angry and frustrated with his actions.. I promise myself never fall for someone who doesn't appreciate me.. Currently, the person that makes me feel unappreciated is him..

I know he probably can't read this.. However, I still wants to write this message..
I give up on you already.. So, please never ever giving me any idea of you are interested in me.. All the time I was able to be patience to you.. But, now I rather be someone who is selfish and cold.. That's all because for my own sake..

I'll visit you soon.. :)

Hi everyone, tonight will be the last day before 2012 embrace us.. Year 2011 leave many sweet as well as bitter memories to me.. I am really grateful to Allah.. So, today I would like to share my biggest dream which is travelling all around the world.. It' would be wonderful to visit foreign countries.. Learn their culture, language music and many more.. Most importantly for me is the food.. hehehe.. I love food very much.. :)

First country that I want to visit is Japan.. I love Japan because the way of life the people (Nihon-jin).. They preserve their old teaching and culture despite the time has change to modern era.. Even the youngsters appreciate and obey the beliefs of their ancestors.. That's because Japanese really sees discipline as a highly priced value.. Making a cup of green tea also took you a lot of time if you really believe discipline as a way of life.. Another attitude of Japanese that amazes me is that they always seek for perfection on everything that they do.. That is why I think their way of life is well-organize..

I love their language (Nihon-go).. But, I still don't know how to write in Hiragana and Katakana.. I love their music which is on their traditional musical instruments.. (shamisen and flute).. Japan is also the land who is famous for their anime.. Their theater which is called Kabuki is also entertaining.. My favourite actor for Kabuki is Bando Tamasaburo.. He is a popular onnagata (female role specialist).. He is very a very professional actor and dancer.. It's not easy to move very gracefully on the stage.. He might as well step on the kimono and fell on the stage.. He has a very feminine look.. My favourite theater performed by him are Fuji Musume (Wisteria Maiden), Orochi (The Great Serpent) and Dojoji.. It would be the happiest and irreplaceable moment if I get to see his live theater performance..

Bando Tamasaburo as Sagi Musume..

   

He looks great in those Kimonos.

Next, I would like to taste authentic Japanese cuisine.. So far, I like Malaysian made Takoyaki.. But, I don't like sushi.. I hate the idea of eating raw fish.. Next, the thing that makes me doubt eating Japanese dishes is because they use sake and mirin.. But once, I remember Chef Wan using rice wine (sake) while preparing his dish.. He mentioned that the alcohol would evaporate when it is cooked over fire.. I really hope so what he said is true.. I noticed that the main ingredients that they used for simmered dishes are dashi stock, mirin, sake, brown sugar and soy sauce (shoyu).. It can be said that Japanese dishes use simple ingredients.. They believe the freshness of the vegetables and meats that they use can produce savory taste..  


These are some Japanese dishes that I really want to eat :

1. Miso soup
2. Sukiyaki
3. Nabeyaki Udon
4. Yakisoba
5. Tempura
6. Chawan mushi
7. Onabe with Shungiku
8. Okonomiyaki
9. Onigiri
10. Omuraisu
11. Oden
12. Oyakodon.
13. Korokke
14. Taiyaki
15. Shiruko
16. Mitarashi Dango
17. Youkan
18. Mochi
19. Takoyaki
20. Tamagoyaki
21. Hayashi Raisu
22. Mitsumame
23. Chicken Nikuman
24. Azuki Shiratama
25. Matcha Shiratama
26. Kare Raisu
27. Anmitsu
28. Uni Ikura Donburi
29. Daigakuimo
30. Natto-jiru

Huh, thinking about these dishes makes my mouth water.. Yummy.. I really wish that I'll be able to visit Japan soon.. I wonder which season is the best to come to Japan.. I think the best season is autumn (aki) and spring (haru).. I want to see hanami.. That's all for now..

Nihon wa watashi o matsu!

Oyasuminasai minna-san.. :)

I want to marry a Chef or a Musician.. xD

I'm writing this because I was bored and this subject has been a while in my mind.. ehehehe..

Ummie always told me to look for a chef of doctor as my husband.. I would agree with her suggestion of marrying a chef.. The main reason is that I'm not a good cook and I enjoy to eat.. It would be great if he teach me how to cook mouth-watering dishes.. My favourite chef is Chef Sho Naganuma, a 31-year-old bachelor and extremely talented Japanese chef.. He is good looking and very charismatic.. He has a great smile... Ahhhh, my heart melts whenever he smile.. But, he already has a girlfriend.. huhuhu..

Chef Sho Naganuma of Hide Yamamoto.. Isn't the way he smiles charming?

Also, I always enjoy having the thoughts of my future husband to be able to play musical instruments.. Especially, piano, cello,violin, shamisen or Japanese flute (I don't know what it's name).. Still, my favourite musical instrument is piano.. I believe that this is the best musical instrument because it has 88 keys on it and it produce soothing sounds.. Then, to be able to play a great piece, a pianist must master the movements of his finger.. It would be romantic if he plays his music to make me feel good whenever I'm sad or lonely.. A musician that I think that was able to play vibrant and mesmerizing music is Nujabes.. He is also Japanese..  His real name is Jun Seba.. He died in a car accident on February 26, 2010.. I started to listen his music is trough an anime called Samurai Champloo.. If he is still alive, I believe that his music will be a phenomenon.. I'll always love u Nujabes..

Nujabes: A man who expresses his feelings only through musical instruments.. 

Well, that's it.. I'm not sure if this dream of marrying a chef or musician would come true.. Hahaha..

Alhamdulillah and Taking a Relieved Breath..

Hello everyone.. It's really has been a while since I write.. It's only three more days before I'll be back to KL.. I'm really grateful to Allah for the good ending for this year.. Alhamdulillah, I passed my foundation program of TESL.. For about three weeks of holidays my heart was racing whenever I think about how the result of my exam would turn out.. I'm worried about ES, LDS, and SS paper..Thankfully, we can check our results online.. At least if we failed any of our components we would be prepared to resit the exam..

One more thing that makes me able to take a good breath is that our class would not be reshuffle.. Personally, I think that it's better to stick with a group of people that you've been comfortable with.. After spending one and a half year together with my classmates, I find that the gap between all of us is getting smaller.. It's not that we are so close.. But, I think we have come to a certain degree of understanding..

I wish that I can keep my promises to myself for this upcoming year.. DEGREE, here I come!!
Lastly, dear 2012, I hope you would bring happy memories and a special person that will appreciate me in my life..

As Usual..

Hi! Firstly, I would like to give my gratitude to Allah that I was able to reach my 19th year of life yesterday.. Alhamdulillah.. Thank you to both my parents for turning myself to who I am now.. I also would like to thank my friends who celebrate my birthday and wishing me.. Thank you for cheering my special day.. My last year of "belasan" before turning to "puluhan" next year.. Huhhhh.. I can't believe I'm 19 already.. But I think it's okay.. 19 is still young what?? hahahaha.. 

There's only one thing that I felt spoil my birthday.. 

As usual, I was thinking whether he would wish me happy birthday this year.. And as usual he did what he used to do.. He didn't wish me.. He simply wouldn't bother anything about me.. Well, that's my absolute impression of him.. What other reason would it be?? He's too busy with something.. Bullshit!!!! Is it so difficult to remember someone's birthday?? Especially when that someone is someone you consider as your friend.. To be frank, I was sad and disappointed again and again.. Even worse I'm mad with my own self.. Why can't I get over him?? Get over with all the stupid false wishes and hopes.. I can't let this happen anymore.. Falling hard until I'm shattered.. Damn you dumb prick!!!! Pray hard that I'll get over him soon.. Please cooperate my dear mind and heart.. Stop this shit already.. 

Matters of Heart..

22th-30th Oct 2011.. This one week holiday practically a hell for me.. Ughhhh!!
I extremely feel bored and I don't have the mood to open my books to study for my final exam.. My God... *sigh...

Even worse I miss him badly.. Shitttt!! I keep thinking about him.. I only get distracted from any thoughts of him whenever I read fanfic.. Thank God I have this hobby.. I can't understand what has gotten into me.. My mind keep reminding me to accept him as a friend while my heart says the other way round.. I don't know which one should I choose.. As in Malay proverb Ikut hati mati, ikut rasa binasa.. Indeed, I am tired with all his mistreatment that he had inflicted towards myself but my heart still giving me the idea that he will change.. I noticed that since I act coldly towards him, he did some changes.. Like he is the one who will be the first one to asked me out or invite me whenever we have gathering.. My heart already forgiven him but not my mind..

Recently, two days ago, as usual Chacha (my roomate), Ayn (my future roommate) and I went to have our dinner in a cafe nearby our hostel.. Then, a senior joined us.. There's a lot of things that we talked about.. We stayed there until the owner told us that they will be closing shortly.. huhuhuhu.. Poor them, they have to remind us to go back or else we wouldn't bother because we was too busy talking.. The topic that catches my attention the most is about love.. hahahahaha.. This is the very first time I told my love story to a guy.. He advises us to confess your feelings towards someone that you love or you'll regret.. He view that the upcoming results should be put aside as long as your "burden" is lifted from your shoulder.. He have an experience that thought him to confess your feelings to someone you love before it is too late.. Amazing story indeed.. :)

Then, we asked him is it acceptable in a boys view if a girl start to confess their feelings? He said that for him right now it is out of concern, as long as the result can bring both parties together..

It has been a long time..

Hello! It has been a while since I write in my blog.. I find that these past few months I don't really feel like writing even though I have plenty ideas.. Maybe it was because of the ASSignments.. I was relieved after we hand in our last assignment which was about 1500 words.. I think I was going through brain damage for a while.. hahaha..

But, our so called "relaxation" is just for a while because next to come is our final examination.. This exam is going to determine do I really fit to further my studies in degree next year.. OMG! I'm in big trouble if I failed any of my major components.. I really wish I passed my majors especially ES, LDS and SS.. Also, this exam will determine whether I'll continue my life as a future teacher to-be in IPG KBA..

Frankly speaking, I haven't start my revision and exam is in this coming November and the only thing that comes in my mind is my home.. Whenever I want to start my revision, the so called "semangat" to study is still not there.. hehehehehe.. I obviously can imagine what is going to happen to me if this attitude continues.. The main usual consequence is expelled from IPG KBA and nowhere else to go.. Surely I'll become insane if this happens.. Still, like I mention before I haven't start my revision.. I can't wait 19th of November to come.. I'll be flying back to Tawau.. Yeahhhh! Miss my family so much..

That's all for now for this entry..